My worst nightmare came to pass in my last years of primary school and if you are my friend, you would’ve heard this story more than once. This is the story of how I was betrayed, and painfully so. Before I get started though and don’t get your hopes up, the story is as short as it is miserable, I’d like to say a few words about motive or, using a more general term, intention. You see, your motive is what leads you to act and, as very few people realise, dictate the success of that act, so, today is about making an effort to boycott flawed motives.
Over the course of my life, I’ve found it very hard to make friends for some reason and even till date I feel the pain from the battle wounds inflicted by my previous friendships. Although my friends now are very dear to my heart, I still cannot articulate the depth our relationship because I’m too afraid to fall, I find myself closing off my heart so that if push comes to shove backing down will not be too much of an issue I can’t handle. Honestly, this conviction has taken different shapes as the years rolled by, now, my current defence mechanism is giving people the benefit of the doubt. One may say that that’s being too trusting but I think that it is quite the contrary because this way you, as my friend, are solely responsible for your action, so in a broader sense of the word, I think it can be quite selfish. The story goes that my dearest friend that I so desperately sort and to whom I had confided all of the deepest secrets of my tiny age, went in front of the class and told them to everyone the day before she was to change school. Why did she do that? For absolutely no reason because I didn’t offend her in any way, or at least not that I knew of at the time. Till today, I still wonder about it, did she do it to spite me? Because I cried and begged her not to do it, asking her what I had done to offend her, but she still went right ahead.
This story may sound small and insignificant but it made a mark on my young self and I remember that day I sat down still for several minutes, staring at the window wet with rain, tears rolling down my cheeks and feeling empty save a strong conviction never to be attached to anyone as I was to her. From that day onwards, that conviction has morphed and now, ever so slightly, I realise the flaw in my past friendships. Remember that motive thing? Well, that is everything. When you make friends, as with pretty much everything in life, the relationship is supposed to be a give and take one right? If you’re the only one giving and not taking anything and your motive for the friendship is an eye for an eye scenario, then that motive becomes a burden. When you love your friends, you don’t love them to be loved back, you love them for love’s sake, for God’s sake and by doing that, you have a whole lot of help carrying that burden. If you give your time, energy, sometimes even resources and it feels like you’re throwing it away, check your motive and turn all your investments to heaven where it is impossible for them to go to waste. Friendship takes time and effort and I’m not saying put yourself in a dangerous situation, I mean these people are supposed to be your friends aren’t they? So if they’re making you kill yourself then I suggest you love them from a safe distance and pray harder because they do not consider you as their friend. However, in true friendship scenarios, ask yourself: Is my motive really just about me or my friends?